Words... what do they all mean?

And it was awesome

Okay, this is probably cheesy, but any other married couples out there have "Dude, we're married!" moments, like, months after the wedding? Years? Or are Alan and I still considered to be in the honeymoon phase and thus it's to be expected?

So Alan is back in New Zealand, and it only just now occurs to me that I never changed my default icon away from the one I generally use for "Alan is away." Morgan came in this morning and looked over at his side of the bed. Seeing it empty, she heaved a big sigh and said, "Alan is still disappeared."

I feel like I should be sad and gloomy, but actually I'm fine. I could maybe make myself cry if I tried, but... yeah. It just is. And that's not me _making_ myself accept it because it's what needs to be done. Well, honestly, that probably is indeed a factor. But I think it's mostly that I've hit that point in a relationship where all the high-flown melodrama just... blows away. Now perhaps I've just grown accustomed to his face complacent in these past two months, but last night we were both online, but we didn't really talk. It was nice to just know he was there, doing his thing and I was doing mine. I can remember a time not too long ago that I was frantic for every single second, I _had_ to talk to him. Late into the night, middle of the day at school, any time I was on a computer I fired up Messenger and was on the edge of my seat until I found out if he was on or not. I'd open my email to check for any "I love you" messages first thing in the morning, still in my pajamas, before breakfast or waking up Morgan or anything.

And I actually like this now. Because as high as I was whenever he was online or I had mail from him, I was that low whenever he _wasn't_ online. And now I've got some equilibrium, and it's pretty groovy. I think this is what growing up feels like.

As kiwifruitbat has so happily declared, his Valentine's Day gift to me has finally arrived.

"Arkham" and "Miskatonic University" from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, from way back when allova mentioned it in her entry. Oh I love my lad who indulges my geeky obsessions. He _says_ he ordered them for me before I posted my reply saying those were the ones I was interested in. They came with four sample sizes of other scents, two of which I actually kind of like.

I'm wearing Arkham at the moment, and it's a bit... cooler, and spicier than I usually prefer, but it has mellowed nicely. Miskatonic, just from sniffing the bottle, really does smell like coffee. Tee hee.

Oh, and of course it was shipped in bubble wrap, which Morgan saw me unpack. She comes into my room a bit later and looks at the empty space on my desk and said, "Where's the bubbles?"

I tell her, "it's gone."

"Did you put it in the garbage?" she asks, and I say yes. She gasps, "No, you're supposed to pop them!" as if I've committed some heinous sin. I laugh 'cause she's so cute when she's indignant, and she admonishes me with one finger, "That's the whole point." Oh, silly mommy.

I have been informed by my brother that being lonely and miserable on Valentine's Day does not entitle me to join him and our other _single_ and miserable friends at Truelove. Boo them. Single _is_ lonely, right?

My new favorite picture of us. I'm not sure if fruitbat_mum was early or late for that kiss, but I still like it very much. Sometimes it's nice to have camera-happy relatives.

(Except I really must stop wearing strapless dresses when photos are being taken...)

Fruitbat_mum took Alan and me to meet his youngest brother and his fiancee, then the five of us went to meet one of Alan's older brothers' wives and her three-week old baby, Melissa, who is just adorable. She let me hold her and everything was great (I miss holding a baby that tiny!), then as she was laying in my lap she spit up on my jeans. Alan's sister-in-law apologized profusely, but of course that's nothing new to me. It's a sign the baby likes you, right? ;) Then we went over to see Alan's _other_ sister-in-law and her 20-month-old, Emily, to whom her mother introduced me as "Auntie Sierra." Squeee!! She is _very_ pregnant. Like, any-day-now pregnant. So she may or may not make it to Alan's party on Saturday. But at least we got to see her.

Fruitbat_mum bought us pizza for lunch, which we ate in a park with a little fountain, then she took little_brother-and-fiancee home and Alan and I went in search of a costume shop, which turns out no longer to be where Alan remembered it, so we will have to try again tomorrow. Boy am I glad I was able to convince him to _begin_ the costume process today instead of tomorrow, even if my pleas to do some internet searching and get addresses and phone numbers apparently fell on deaf ears.

We tooled around central Auckland, which was fun. Got us both new hats (mine is more fashionable than my Yosemite hiking hat, and Alan's has replaced his lost - and much lamented - leather hat), a watch for me (I never realized how often I use my cell phone to check the time until I don't have it on me anymore), clothes and a hat and an abalone heart necklace for Morgan, and a cheeky t-shirt for Rew. I'm not sure if he'll really be able to wear it out in public, but I'm pretty sure he'll find it hilarious anyway. Ooh, and Alan bought me a very pretty silver necklace wit a greenstone pendant, which apparently is quite sacred to the Maori and thus a big thing to New Zealanders in general.

On our way to meet elven_alchemist at the university, we actually ran into her on the street. So we walked back to her place, talked New Bretonia, taught her how to play Munchkin Cthulhu, and gave her the plushie Cthulhu we bought at Great Escape, like, two weeks ago. She loves it. She squeed and glomped us both and just sat there with a big cheesy grin, stroking it. I love an appreciative audience. elven_alchemist also gave me a barrette carved with butterflies, which is perfect because for the handfasting and party on Saturday I was planning to wear my hair half back in a barrette anyway. She ways it was one of those things where you see something and you just know you have to buy it, and who you have to give it to. Sometimes the Universe does indeed make its voice heard.

The three of us (or rather, four, if we're counting the Great Plushie One) caught a train to starfirenz and Gryphon's so we could go over the ritual for the handfasting, which I really am getting excited about now. Squee! Minor adjustments were made, and other than making sure the cord - provided by elven_alchemist - was indeed long enough to wrap around our hands, we all felt comfortable enough without a more thorough run-through. Little_brother-and-fiancee picked us up & brought us home, since she was visiting friends down here tonight anyway. Now Alan and I are going to take a dunk in the pool before crashing. Oh, my feet....

I came home this evening to find a bouquet sitting on my doorstep, with a note that says, "To the one I love, forever and always," but no name. Now, that could be positively _anybody_, so will whoever sent them please fess up?

So I come home after work this evening to find a bouquet as tall as my daughter sitting (standing?) on the coffee table. With deep red roses and white lilies as big as my hand. ktbee thank you for being home when they were delivered!

Alan, I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you!

*ded from pretty*

((And yes, I'll make a special trip up to Grandma's tomorrow to upload photos. 'Cause just wow. You guys have got to see this.))

Five years ago tonight, I decided for the first time in my life that I was going to get a cute boy to talk to me, and succeeded. Well, neither of us remembers who approached whom, but the end result is the point.

My grandmother, when I told her about how I met him and how easily we talked and that it felt like I'd known him for years, said, "Maybe he's your angel."

Maybe he is.