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Sep. 9th, 2005 03:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
janetlinJust a low day today. Lots of decisions looming over my head, which I can only make after answering some heavy questions also looming. Yuck.
One of the "easier" decisions is finding daycare for Morgan so that I can go job-hunting, and that's a rather terrifying process. Never having done this before, I called up the county childcare resource center, who sent me all this information about what to look for, questions to ask, red flags, general information about kids and separation, etc. and it is _overwhelming_. "Go (somewhere) for background checks; criminal record, child abuse reports, etc." "Here is where to go to double-check licensing status for providers" ...... All of these things I never even would have thought to make issues of before. And now I feel badly for not thinking about them, and guilty for not _wanting_ to think about them, now that I know. What kind of parent tries to cut corners when it comes to a child's care? Geez. Bad mommy. But I have three appointments with potential providers (they aren't "babysitters") next week. The first one will probably be rough but after that hopefully I'll have a better idea of what I'm supposed to expect and what they expect from me (hey, who's interviewing who here?).
Not-so-easy decisions: well, they're the kind that require other decisions to be made, but which are all dependent on each other (you know the feeling? "But where do I even _start_?"). I had this same problem when planning my wedding; layers upon layers of questions to be answered. My decision-making skills have not improved in the meantime (exhibit A: handing over the reins to Johnnie and saying, "if you want/need to go back to Missouri, I'll follow you, honey." Stupid, stupid). However, I have good friends praying for me, and am determined to do all the soul-searching and self-discovery necessary to make sure the path I end up on is the right one. 'Cause it's not just _my_ life. How terrifying is that?
One of the "easier" decisions is finding daycare for Morgan so that I can go job-hunting, and that's a rather terrifying process. Never having done this before, I called up the county childcare resource center, who sent me all this information about what to look for, questions to ask, red flags, general information about kids and separation, etc. and it is _overwhelming_. "Go (somewhere) for background checks; criminal record, child abuse reports, etc." "Here is where to go to double-check licensing status for providers" ...... All of these things I never even would have thought to make issues of before. And now I feel badly for not thinking about them, and guilty for not _wanting_ to think about them, now that I know. What kind of parent tries to cut corners when it comes to a child's care? Geez. Bad mommy. But I have three appointments with potential providers (they aren't "babysitters") next week. The first one will probably be rough but after that hopefully I'll have a better idea of what I'm supposed to expect and what they expect from me (hey, who's interviewing who here?).
Not-so-easy decisions: well, they're the kind that require other decisions to be made, but which are all dependent on each other (you know the feeling? "But where do I even _start_?"). I had this same problem when planning my wedding; layers upon layers of questions to be answered. My decision-making skills have not improved in the meantime (exhibit A: handing over the reins to Johnnie and saying, "if you want/need to go back to Missouri, I'll follow you, honey." Stupid, stupid). However, I have good friends praying for me, and am determined to do all the soul-searching and self-discovery necessary to make sure the path I end up on is the right one. 'Cause it's not just _my_ life. How terrifying is that?
