Original fic, Love Is

[janetlin]

Title: Love Is
Rating: PG
Genre: fantasy
Summary: A fairy princess meets her prince, who is perfect in every way. Unfortunately, life is not perfect.

~*~

 

I pulled at my necklace until it hung perfectly straight while Colleen, my favorite lady-in-waiting, arranged my hair just the way I liked it. Colleen was good at that sort of thing – she understood that parties were important and that everything had to be just right, especially for a party like this. I was visiting the White River Síd for the first time, and the king of this court, I’d been told, had a son of eighteen springs, just two more than I. I’d also been told this prince was simply heavenly to look at. “That Prince Gawyn of White River,” said one of the maids at the latest in a long list of courts visited, “he’s a good catch. They say Lugh himself was not so fair a youth.” Well, that was wonderful news to me, though I hoped she had not called the sun-god’s wrath upon him for the comparison. After visiting so many other fairy courts and being introduced to so many princes in my mother’s quest to find me a husband, I was looking forward to meeting one I might actually want to marry.

I hadn’t realized my wings were twitching until Colleen clucked at me, and I stilled them. They lay against my back, and their iridescence picked up the river-blue of my gown nicely. Colleen’s wings were a modest brown, like her hair and eyes, and were perfectly still. Of course, she wasn’t the one trying to find a husband these past months.

“Do you think he likes blue?” I asked her, pinching at the seams of my skirt.

“I think he’s supposed to like you, not your dress,” she replied.

Silly Colleen, I thought, of course he’s supposed to like the dress. And if he thinks I’m pretty, then he’ll like me, too. My dress for tonight had been very carefully selected; one doesn’t want to overdress one’s hosts, but neither should one appear too plain, especially not when husband-hunting. The fabric was brushed silk that I knew would swirl easily when I danced, and my dagged over sleeves were gossamer which my other lady-in-waiting, Kiera, had embroidered in silver. The waistline was high and accentuated the breasts I was proud to finally have.

Colleen tucked a few final tendrils around my tiara, the shiny silver and diamonds and topaz showing nicely against my blonde hair. “There we are,” she said, patting my shoulders. “Off you go, now.”

A valet was already waiting outside my door to escort me to the ballroom. He said nothing as we walked, so I listened to the tapping of my shoes and the swish of my gown. It took entirely too long to arrive, but finally he rapped on the frame of the open doors and announced: “Her Royal Highness, Princess Rowena of the Great Oak Síd.” My mother was already standing on the dais with the king and queen and their son, so I made my way down the aisle with what felt everyone in the room watching me, to stand before them.

“My daughter,” Mother said simply to the king and queen, who nodded and smiled at me.

“This is my son,” the king said, motioning the prince forward, “Gawyn.” I was instantly smitten. “Lugh himself was not so fair a youth.” I heartily agreed. Gawyn was tall and had broad, strong shoulders beneath the gold epaulets of his dress uniform. His blue jacket was impeccably pressed and fit snugly down to his narrow waist, which was wrapped in a red satin sash. But I had seen plenty of swaggering warrior princes decked out in their finest; what struck me most about Gawyn was his face. He didn’t have the obnoxiously chiseled features of most fairies considered “handsome,” his face was round and his features were soft but still defined, making him look almost boyish. His hair was short, but I could tell it would have been curly if longer, and was the color of wheat right before the harvest, only slightly darker than my own. But his eyes… Oh, his eyes were a deep blue-green and seemed to look right into my soul. They were warm and friendly, and I knew right then I wanted my children to have those eyes.

“My lord.” I curtsied to him and tried my hardest to keep my wings still. The rumors were true, and yet had fallen so short of accurately describing him!

He returned my greeting, “My lady,” and bowed to kiss my fingers. “Shall we begin?” I nodded, hardly trusting my voice, and he led me out to the floor. The musicians, who had been waiting for this cue, began with a pavane, and Gawyn and I led the mellow, sweeping processional.

He was a talented dancer and I found it easy to follow his graceful lead. He must have appreciated my dancing, too, because he stayed with me for the next dance, and the one after that, and so many more that I lost count. He never even looked around for another partner. I was ecstatic and stopped trying to make my wings behave.

After several dances, we felt comfortable enough with each other that we started talking. My feet were moving of their own volition and I hardly thought about the steps Gawyn was leading me through. He confessed that his passion for literature far surpassed his interest in martial endeavors or politics, which made my wings flutter excitedly. I, too, craved the written word. Bards were pleasant for grand feasts, but sometimes I preferred to be alone when embarking upon a fantastical journey of the imagination. We spoke about which books we had read, and many of those we had particularly enjoyed were the same. We had so much in common and with every moment I realized more and more that he fit the image of the husband I had always dreamed of having. Could he possibly be real, or had the gods created him from my dreams? I finally knew what all the bards meant when they sang about “love at first sight,” I was completely at his mercy and would be utterly content to stay there forever.

“I feel I must confess something, Rowena,” Gawyn said nearly halfway through the night.

I looked up at him, my heart pounding. He’s fallen in love with me, too, just like in the stories. “Yes?” I prompted.

“I apologize if you are confused by this,” he began, which was not quite what I had expected to hear, “but this party was my father’s doing,” he continued, “and I must tell you plainly that I have no intention of courting you.” His eyes were so soft and kind and he spoke so gently that this blatant dismissal did not hurt as much as it should have.

“Are you promised to someone?” I asked, surprised at the evenness of my tone. He can’t be. He just can’t be. It’s too perfect not to be right.

“No,” he replied. A crease appeared in his forehead and those smiling eyes suddenly became dark and looked away. “In fact I was, but she… ended our agreement, quite recently.” His voice was soft and full of pain. I instantly wanted to tear the girl to shreds for hurting him so. Instead, I put a hand on his cheek and turned his head to face me again. I let my fingers remain just a few seconds longer than necessary. His skin was so soft and warm.

“I’m sorry, Gawyn,” I said, though part of me rejoiced to hear he was free.

“You will please forgive my bluntness then,” he said. “I have no wish to mislead you, but my heart…. I do not think I could give you the attention you deserve.”

“I understand,” I replied. A broken heart is, after all, quite a serious thing for a fairy, almost as bad as iron. And the only way to heal it is to find something else to love. “Do not think I am trying to change your mind,” I said, though of course I was, “but I would like to invite you to my birthday celebrations on the next full moon; I think it would raise your spirits to attend.” I kept my tone light so he would not read my true intentions. I knew it would take time for him to heal, but I could make sure that whenever he was ready to love again, I would be there. One day, when we were old and had grandchildren, he would laugh as he told them the story of how I had nursed his broken heart and persevered when he had lost all hope. True love cannot be denied.

He smiled at me, not the requisite, false kind of smile one wears for parties, but a true smile that reached his eyes and warmed the whole room. “Since we seem to have an understanding, I accept,” he said. I would have the rest of our lives to look at that smile.

After the dance, I returned to my rooms, where Colleen was already turning down the bedcovers. “So?” she asked. “How was it?”

“He’s perfect,” I sighed, and fell onto the bed. “He’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. He dances wonderfully, and he’s so charming and graceful. He has eyes like the sea,” I added in a dreamy tone.

“You’ve never seen the sea,” Colleen reminded me, raising an eyebrow.

“I know, but I know it’s blue and vast and wondrous and … and powerful,” I sighed again. “He’s all of that.”

“And salty and cold and full of fish, too, then, I’ll wager,” Colleen groused, and shooed me toward the wardrobe.

I frowned but did as she bid. “Now you’re just making fun of me.”

“Well who can resist?” she smirked as she unlaced my gown. “But in truth, I think it would be a smart match. Prince Gawyn is noble and valiant, as well.”

“Ooh, were you spying again?” I asked as she raised the dress over my head. She clicked her tongue at me.

“Spying’s nothing to do with it,” she said matter-of-factly. “While you were cavorting with your types, I was chatting with mine.” She hung my gown in the wardrobe and sat me down on the little gilt chair in front of the vanity. Her fingers deftly began undoing all their intricate work with my hair. “The girls in the kitchen say that last year some of their farmers on the outskirts were having problems with a redcap slaughtering their livestock. Well, Prince Gawyn tracked the beast all the way to the river and killed him in single combat.”

“He fought a redcap? Alone?” I asked, horrified. Redcaps were nasty and brutish creatures, but no one ever said they were stupid or easy to kill. Small and wiry with sharp, pointy teeth, they dipped their hats in the blood of their victims and were so fearsome most who hunted them became unnerved and either fled or became their quarry’s next meal. I shuddered to think of my precious Gawyn facing one.

“So they say,” Colleen replied. My hair now loose, I walked to the bed and slipped under the covers.

“He’s very brave, then,” I said as Colleen tucked the covers in around me.

“Either brave or insane,” Colleen replied. “But with eyes like the sea, who’d be bothered with his mind?” She winked at me, and I laughed.

“Did you hear anything about his last fiancée?” I asked her.

“Oh, that,” she said, frowning. “That’s a sad tale. Gawyn was betrothed to a lady across the river named Fiona; not a princess, but still high-born. He had courted her for nearly a year before their fathers began making arrangements for their marriage. Gawyn would visit her every month and was very much in love with her. But this past spring, he was kept from her for two months while he led his father’s army against invading hobgoblins. When he was finally able to return to her, she had already chosen another and was to be married within the month. She felt Gawyn had not been serious enough about their betrothal and was tired of waiting.”

“But Gawyn had to fight the hobgoblins!” I protested. Could this Fiona not understand duty? I would have been honored to have such a valorous fiancé.

“All that mattered to Fiona was that he had not been there, and her new beau had,” Colleen said. “Gawyn was crushed when he realized she had never loved him as he had loved her. The scullery maids say he has not answered any invitations to balls since then.”

I realized then how significant his agreement to come for my birthday was. “He will come to mine,” I told her.

“Oh, really?” Colleen asked.

I knew she thought I was only expressing a wish, so it was nice to be able to answer, “Yes, I invited him tonight, and he said he would come.”

“Well, then,” she said, walking over to the lamp, “that’s something.” She blew out the flame and closed the door softly behind her.

Yes, that is something, I agreed. Every moment of the ball played over and over in my mind, for hours after Colleen had gone. Yes, Gawyn was perfect. From his handsome face to his charm to his heroism, he was everything anyone had told me to look for in a husband. He was perhaps a little emotionally damaged and therefore vulnerable, but that made him all the more irresistible. I was determined to mend his broken heart. Before he knew it, he would be in love with me and we’d be married and blissfully happy, and life would be perfect. I snuggled into my pillows and spent the night in pleasant dreams.

My birthday finally arrived, and I was nearly frantic with anticipation. Gawyn would be there, and everything had to be perfect. Colleen was once again making my hair do beautiful but unnatural things, and Kiera was sewing me into my brand-new gown. I didn't like Kiera quite as much as I did Colleen; she wasn't very interesting to talk to. She had refused my offer to teach her to read, so she didn't know about anything other than horses, which her family at some point had raised, and which she would drone on and on about if I let her. But she had a good hand with a needle, which was very important, especially on a new dress.

My gown this time was lavender, which set off my green eyes nicely, and was shiny silk. Since this was my party, I wouldn’t have to worry about overdressing anyone. Colleen clasped the pearl and amethyst necklace at the back of my neck, and seeing it made me smile. My mother had given it to me that morning, and her mother had given it to her when she turned sixteen. I felt very grown-up wearing it, and hoped Gawyn would notice.

The dinner that evening was sumptuous: braised swan and candied fruits, watercress and violet salad, spinach tarts, almond milk rice, venison in pepper sauce, and oat cakes with rose petals, but I could hardly taste anything. Gawyn had come without his parents, so mine had invited him to sit with us at the head table. He was not in his uniform now, but still looked handsome in a fine linen coat as green as oak leaves and subtly embroidered at the collar and cuffs. His breeches were tan and fit his slim hips snugly. I noticed several visiting ladies watching him, and looking at me enviously. I allowed myself a private smile and snugged my chair closer to his.

We talked about the books we had read, and he modestly described his encounter with the redcap for me. I noticed his easy tone and his comfortable smile as we talked. He even laughed a couple times. Perhaps it would not take as long to heal and capture his heart as I had thought.

He claimed me for the first dance, which was a very promising sign, and graciously allowed the other princes their turns with me. The evening was mostly done before I was finally able to search for him again. I found him on the edge of the dance floor, sitting down and talking to Kiera. Kiera? Why should he want to talk to Kiera? And worse, she was making eyes at him! I'd never even seen her smile at a boy before; usually she said she couldn't be bothered. She chose tonight, of all nights, to start flirting, and with my prince? He wasn't flirting back, of course, he was only being polite. He'd told me himself that he wasn't interested in a courtship, and he must have realized after only a few moments of talking with her that she was thoroughly uninteresting. I decided to save him and walked over to them just as he was standing up.

"There are a few reels yet, Gawyn," I said brightly. "Shall we?"

"Actually," he replied, "I have promised this dance to Miss Kiera." He stood and took her hand. She had the nerve to look at me and smile as he led her away!

I was too flummoxed to do anything but stare after them. They danced two dances, and she never stopped making those cow eyes at him. By the second dance, I realized that he wasn’t merely humoring her, and his expression began to mirror hers. This can’t be happening. He is supposed to be mine.

I found my mother and told her I wasn’t feeling well, which was actually true, and excused myself to my rooms, where I slammed the door and SCREAMED. I didn’t care if they could hear me in the ballroom. I didn’t care about anything but the gross injustice of it all. It was a cruel trick of Fate, to present me with the one thing I had been dreaming of for so long – so near, so attainable, so perfect – how could it be anything other than my wishes granted? And then to snatch him away from under my very nose… I had done nothing to warrant such torture.

My wings shook with rage as I threw myself onto the bed and clawed at the pillows. They took on faces in my fury: Kiera, Gawyn, even my stupid mother for introducing me to him and Fiona for not marrying him so I would never have met him. I beat my weak fists against them until I was too exhausted even to cry anymore.

Colleen found me sleeping on top of my covers the next morning. I numbly allowed her to undress me – my fine silk dress was so rumpled now it was practically ruined – and she brushed through my tangled hair without saying a word. Another reason why I liked Colleen: she also knew exactly when ­not to say anything.

Kiera walked through the door, and before she had a chance to say anything, I rounded on her. “You can go back to your family and your horses,” I spat. “You are no longer welcome here.” She stood in the doorway like a great dumb beast and blinked at me.

“I was coming to tell you,” she said slowly, “that Prince Gawyn has asked me to come live in his síd and become part of his father’s court, and I have accepted. I just… I wanted you to know that it was not because I do not like you. I have told your parents and they wished me well….”

I couldn’t abide her simpering and feigned innocence. I tore the hairbrush from Colleen’s fingers and threw it at Kiera. “Get out!” I shrieked, and though the brush fell far wide of her, she looked as shocked as if I had actually struck her. She retreated through the door, for once wise enough to say nothing.

“Why do you begrudge her happiness?” Colleen asked me, and had she been anyone other than herself, I would have cast her out, too. But even so, I could not completely hold in my distress.

“Because it was supposed to be my happiness,” I insisted. “I’m supposed to marry a prince, Gawyn’s supposed to marry a princess; that’s the way things are. And he was so perfect; it was like the Fates made him just for me. Why should he even be interested in her? She has nothing in common with him the way I do.”

“Perhaps that itself is why,” Colleen replied, and I glared at her. “Sometimes love seeks an opposite – a complement, not a mirror.” She smiled at me in a way I found suspiciously patronizing, and continued, “And things don’t happen only because girls dream them, not even for us.”

“But it isn’t fair,” I said, crossing my arms and throwing myself against the back of my little vanity chair, “it was so perfect. He was so perfect,” I finished quietly, knowing already my case was lost.

“No one is perfect, Princess,” Colleen said as she stroked my hair gently. “Not Gawyn, not you, not the one you really do fall in love with someday. The world is not perfect, but we come close when we love others because of their imperfections.”